The New York Times
The New Yorker
Lesser-Known KitchenAid Stand-Mixer Attachments (illustrated by Emily Flake)
Things I Worry my Therapist is Writing Down (co-written with Nate Odenkirk, illustrated by Olivia Pecini)
Cartoon, April 8th, 2024 Issue (illustrated by Ali Solomon)
All of the Keys to New York City (illustrated by Ali Solomon)
Morning-After Campaign Texts (co-written with Emily Flake)
McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
Famous Male Writers Text “U Up?”
Beauty Tips for Every Face Shape (illustrated by Ali Solomon)
A Reimagining of Your Uterus, Which I, Elon Musk, Now Own (co-written with Alexa Kocinski)
Boar’s Head Apple Pie Dessert Hummus
Ron DeSantis Answers Questions about Your Period (co-written with Kathryn Baecht)
Elon Musk Comes for the Sneetches (co-written with Kathryn Baecht)
Trader Joe’s Ketchup-Flavored Sprinkle Seasoning Blend
Trader Joe’s Tiny Fruity Cuties
Yep, This Supporting Character is Definitely About to Die (co-written with Colin Heasley)
An Open Letter to Jeremy Allen White Regarding His Recent Calvin Klein Ad (co-written with Emily Flake)
A Note to the Cleaning Staff From the Residents of Saltburn (co-written with Amanda Lehr)
Morningstar Farms Incogmeato Plant-Based Pancake & Sausage on a Stick
The Handmaid’s Tale or Harrison Butker’s Commencement Speech?
Jif Peanut Butter & Chocolate Flavored Spread
Conversation Cheat Sheet for Vegans (co-written with Jus Kaplan, illustrated by Sólveig Eva Magnúsdóttir)
Grub Street Diet: Mergamon, Soul-Devouring Demon, Snacks on Stale Human Spirits
Welcome to Bluesky, But Maybe Take it Down a Notch? (co-written with Kathryn Baecht)
The Wall Street Journal
So Long Skype, Thanks for All the Dropped Calls
The Boston Globe
I Wanted an Abortion, but All I Got Was This Lousy Maternity Shirt (co-written with Kathryn Baecht and Elly Lonon)
A Comprehensive Guide to Your Internal Clocks (illustrated by Sólveig Eva Magnúsdóttir)
If Donald Trump Ran a Cereal Company (illustrated by Ali Fitzgerald)
Electric Literature: The Commuter
Unfortunately, This Is What the Soft Animal of Your Body Loves (co-written with Amanda Lehr, illustrated by Jenny Kroik)
The Rumpus: Funny Women
Excerpts from George Eliot’s MiddleMuppet
Reductress
Trump Promises to Provide Trans Community With Other Ways to Get PTSD
Nation With Increasingly Limited Access to Birth Control Thanks Man for Pulling Out
Former President Has Been Indicted More Times Than He’s Had Consensual Sex
Woman Nostalgically Caressing Warm Spot on Bed That Used to be Her Sleeping Body
Move Over, Thinx: This Woman is Wearing Maroon-Colored Pants
Woman Takes Little Tour of Own Apartment While Brushing Teeth (Headline)
How to Make Him Cum So Quickly the Victory Song From the NYT Mini-Crossword Plays
Suck it, Miss Trunchbull: This Woman Ate an Entire Chocolate Cake and Felt Amazing Afterwards
REPORT: All Haters Either Jealous of or Deeply Attracted to You (Headline)
QUIZ: Do You Actually Keep Seeing Your Ex Everywhere, or Was He Just Really Generic Looking? (Headline)